Observations: “The Difference Between Being Admired and Being Loved”

Let me start this off by saying that I am not a big cricket fan. I stopped watching test match cricket some years ago. I didn’t get sucked into the hoopla surrounding India’s big victory at the 20/20 Cricket World Cup last year either (though of course winning that tournament was a sporting triumph for the nation).

But I did watch India beat Australia in the Perth Test Match a few days ago. It was an interesting game. This blog is not about cricket, in case you are wondering. It is about human nature, and about how what we admire and what we love are often two different things. I will use the Indian test captain Anil Kumble to illustrate a point. As usual, I will take a bit of time to get to the point, so do be patient with me.

Anil Kumble is one of the world’s quieter people. As a test match bowler, he has tirelessly served Indian cricket for seventeen years. Quite frequently, he has won matches for India with his bowling. In fact, he is expected to win matches for India with his bowling. But you never hear about him off the cricket field. He is not viewed as sexy or glamorous. He is not a barrel of laughs and he is not the life and soul of the party. He is not a macho breast-beater in the mould of some of his more popular team-mates. He is not on the list of cricketers chosen to model clothes by Indian fashion designers. He doesn’t attend parties that are reported on Page Three of the newspapers. He is not photographed cavorting with Bollywood actresses. He doesn’t endorse soft drinks or car tyres. In fact, you rarely see or hear about him off the cricket field.

Why is this? It is because as cricket commentator Harsha Bhogle said at the end of the Perth test match – “He is not viewed as advertising material”. Kumble is widely admired – for his intelligence (he is an engineer by training), his command over the English language (witness the interviews he gave at the end of the Perth test), his bowling (for reasons already mentioned), his courage, professionalism and temperament (he once came out to bat in a test match in the West Indies despite having his jaw broken the previous day) and his dignity and maturity (his management of the Indian team and the hostile Australian media at the end of the acrimonious Sydney test match a few weeks ago).

On the face of it, these attributes should make him one of India’s best loved sports figures. But that is not the case. He is admired, but not loved. There is a difference. We love our wayward, dashing Yuvraj Singhs. Never mind that Yuvraj Singh performs well only intermittently. Never mind that he seems to have grown a double chin and that his attitude and temperament are often called into question. The fact remains that he is apparently loved even when he fails, and even when his attitude on the field and his team playing skills are suspect. Consistent performances on the field are apparently not a pre-requisite for loving Yuvraj Singh. However, such performances are definitely a pre-requisite for admiring Anil Kumble. We expect him to be reliable, to win matches, to be humble, intelligent, mature. Anything less and people start baying for his blood.

Why do we expect so much from those we admire, but so little from those we love? I have used Anil Kumble only as an example, but I hope that you get my drift. Kumble is the diligent, reliable honest husband forever being cuckolded for the dashing, untrustworthy flamboyant lover. This is not only applicable to the cricket or sports world. It seems to apply to all spheres of life.

Why is it so? I do not know. Could it be the relentless and fickle media and advertising industries that build up and pull down shallow temporary heroes, while ignoring or taking for granted the real ones? That could be part of the problem. The news seems full of trivial, titillating stories about cardboard celebrities, while the real news that we should know about is often drowned by useless chatter.

Is this a recent phenomenon or has it always been with us? I suspect that it has always been around, though it seems to have accelerated in recent years, thanks to the media explosion all over the world – 24 hour news channels desperately trying to manufacture “easy” news where none really exists. This is not just an Indian phenomenon, it exists everywhere. In the United Kingdom for example, the tabloids outsell the “respectable” newspapers by a considerable margin. The same is true in the United States.

What is unnerving is that the idea that we as a society seem to have stopped admiring (and loving) genuine heroes, because they are quiet and reliable and well, boring. Qualities that we were taught were good as children (honesty, modesty, strength, dignity and integrity) are often viewed as yesterday’s news. They are not sexy enough to warrant our sustained attention. Nobody wants to read about what a decent guy Anil Kumble is. But everyone seems very keen to know who Yuvraj Singh is dating. Someone recently said that this phenomenon was “Page Three moving to Page One”.

As a result of this phenomenon, glory and adulation is showered on those who do not deserve it, while genuine heroes languish in relative obscurity. I am not trying to disrespect Yuvraj Singh here (if you happen to be a fan of his). He is talented but has not done justice to his talent. Kumble on the other hand, is not the most talented bowler in the world. Yet he has relentlessly focused and challenged himself every time he has stepped onto the field. He has done the most with the limited bowling talent at his disposal. His stamina and mental strength are phenomenal, and he has often triumphed in the face of daunting odds. Surely, this (in addition to all his other considerable attributes) should inspire love on the part of Indian sporting public?

Of course, there are those people who are both admired and loved – in the Indian sporting world, Kapil Dev and Sachin Tendulkar come to mind. But they are exceptions to the rule.

Like everyone else, I have also fallen prey to this – expecting too much from the people I admire, and too little from the ones I love (as well as taking them for granted occasionally).

So this blog is dedicated to the people I admire – you deserve our admiration as well as our love.