Adaptability

“You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes,
You just might find
You get what you need”
- Mick Jagger and Keith Richards (1969)

I often ask myself the question: Why is it that all things being equal, some people succeed and others fail? There are of course, many unknowns that contribute to individual success and happiness – luck, determination and ambition are a few that come to mind. Also, some people are naturally gifted or more intelligent than the rest of us. But the operative words in the question posed above are “all things being equal”.

By success and happiness, I do not necessarily mean economic wealth, though that is important. I mean contentment, a sense of modest achievement, a few friends, basic levels of comfort. In the course of a moderately interesting life, I have travelled extensively and met many different types of people. I have met reasonably intelligent and talented people who are happy. I have also met exceptionally intelligent and talented people who are miserable. I have come to the conclusion that true happiness is fleeting and momentary, and not a permanent state of being. There is no “happily ever after”, only the present. And the present keeps changing, often in unpleasant ways. Those who stuck in the past or dreaming about the future are doomed to remain unhappy.

Happiness is based on the ability to adapt to an uncertain and rapidly changing world around us. Like an American friend once said to me: “Never get too comfortable with any particular situation, because life will throw you a curve-ball when you least expect it”. The one thing about life that is certain is its uncertainty and fragility. The moment you start taking any particular situation or person for granted, the rug suddenly gets pulled out from under your feet, and you are right back to Square One.

Darwin’s “survival of the fittest” principle is as applicable to individuals as it is to entire species. The happiest people I know are the ones that are able to rapidly adapt themselves to changing situations. This means realizing that life and people can never be perfect. To expect a given situation or person to be perfect is setting yourself up for disaster. When I was younger, I was frequently disappointed when things did not work out like I had envisioned them. I spent considerable periods of time trying to figure out why things didn’t work out exactly as I had planned and hoped for, and was frequently unhappy.

Nowadays, I realize that while planning, hard work and sincerity are a good start, it is important to be able to land on your feet when things don’t work out like you want them to. That is the secret to true happiness. Because very often, you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need. And smart people learn to be happy by adapting to changing circumstances, while realizing that getting what you want just doesn’t happen sometimes. There will always be the enviable few, the beautiful people, who possess a rare combination of luck, good looks, intelligence and ability. I do not belong to that select group of individuals, and chances are that you don’t either.

So if I ever have grandchildren, I will give them this advice; “Learn to roll with the punches, if you ever want to be happy”. This may be contrary to many of the things we are taught as children, but it is true.